I get it!

So I think I get it now… I thought this project sounded neat but when it was my turn with the necklace, I thought “I don’t have time for this!” However, I decided right away that I want to keep the necklace – I love it! I wasn’t quite sure what I was supposed to blog about though… the necklace, just my boring old life…. or what? But now I get it… just knowing that this was Grandma Dot’s necklace has made me think about her more often. I was only 9 when she died so I don’t have many memories of her but I find myself thinking about the few I have more frequently… when I put the necklace on or when I check to make sure it’s still there. I think it’s only fitting for my first blog entry to explain why we called her Grandma Dot… simply because she always wears dots on her shirts… right? Well, it’s that simple to a 6 or 7 year old (or whatever I was when I introduced her like this). One of my much older sisters had a boyfriend over and when they introduced her to him, I guess I thought I should shed some light on why called her Grandma Dot. I remember it clearly – she was standing in the entrance to our living room from the hallway and I was standing next to her. She was indeed wearing a navy, satiny, button-up blouse with white dots on it, with her staple polyester pants! Of course I had no idea at that point that Dot was short for Dorothy. Ha! If only there was such a simple explanation for everything!

Passing on of…(by Jeannette)

As I think about passing this amazingly beautiful necklace on to my sister tomorrow I think about all the things people pass on in life.  We pass our eye and hair color on to our children, we pass love letters to our first crush in school, and we pass the bowl of potatoes at supper.  We also pass on so much more.

We were blessed to have parents who passed on the importance of religion and a strong faith.  We all have in turn passed this down to our children.  Randy and I have also passed on our love of sports to our children and our love of being active.  It is such a pleasure to see my family sit together and watch a sport event in person or on television.  We have also passed on our senses of humor (which may be a not so good thing).

This week I began instructing Zumba Fitness classes.  I was scared to death and worried that I would “mess-up” by forgetting my choreography.  However, determination and confidence eventually won me and I did great.  These are also traits that have been passed on in our family.  Dad was especially confident and Grandma was very determined!

Passing Grandma’s necklace on to the next sister will not be the end of my blogs.  As I feel, think, remember, etc. I will share with all of you.  I think that this has been a soul-searching project and even though I did not blog as often as I would like I had frequent insights that came from having the necklace.

I can’t wait to see what is in store for the blogs after tomorrow.  Passing it on…

P.S. something else that we pass on – a good joke!! (Right Dad?)

Pain from Loss is Temporary…by Jeannette

In the past week I have heard of so many people I know losing loved ones.  It breaks my heart for all who have to experience such pain as I have felt it so many times.  This project was started by Robyn with us each taking turns with Grandma’s necklace, Grandma Dot whom we lost many years ago.  I loved Grandma so much that I felt like I would never be the same without her.  She was my friend, my confidant, my Grandma.  I cherished time that we had together even in high school when I would spend the night at her apartment.  We had so many great times and I love the memories when they come.

The loss that I witnessed this week included an 18-year-old and a 21-year-old.  This is so young and I feel guilty when I see families suffer from losing someone so young.  I still feel sorry for myself some days that I don’t have some of the most important people in my life alive to share my time with; however how selfish I am to think that my loved ones lived full lives and I had so many years with each of them.

I discussed part of this with a class last week.  I explained that I was having a bad day since someone I knew had just died.  I then went on to discuss how we get certain personality traits from our family.  I explained that my persistence, hard-headedness, inability to accept help, etc. come from people I have loved a great deal in my life.  Funny, sometimes I think of some of these and think of them as bad things but then I think of lost loved ones who had similar traits and I think, eh not so bad.

Loss is a sad part of life.  However, I rest assured each night that God being loving, forgiving God that he is had taken my loved ones home to himself.  I also believe that some day I will have a GRAND reunion with each of them.  So, as I pray for those who mourn and hurt for them, I know that they are held tight in God’s hands and that he will bless them with comfort, memories, and the reunion of an eternity some day.

Pain from loss is temporary, God’s love – it’s forever! (Jeannette Schorfheide)

Loving Children

I have always wanted to have children of my own but it is amazing how much you love other people’s children too.  I recently spent the night at my Liz’s house with her two adorable girls (ages 1 and 3) while she and Shad spent the night at Shad’s brother’s wedding.  I also had the pleasure to get to know Reese and Riley (ages 2 and 4) who are Shad’s cousins.  I think I fell in love with the little boys almost as much as all my nieces and nephews.

It is fun to be with children and watch how they play and figure things out.  Lila (1) had been turning the light on and off in her room so I told Liz that there was a disco in her house Saturday night.  When I walked in the room Lila just smiled at me as if to say, “see what I can do?”  I got a text tonight from Liz saying they had a disco tonight again.  Ella (3) had a conversation with her cousins that she didn’t have to be sad that her mom and dad were gone for the night, she “can be happy if I wanted to be!”  It amazes me how she thinks and processes things at such a young age.

Grandma Dot loved us girls.  I can only imagine how she felt when she was with us.  I found myself thinking about all four of the little ones from Saturday night and thought how much fun it would be to do it again (although I am VERY tired).  I know Grandma used to say how much she loved little girls but I think when I look at my son and all my nephews and how wonderful they are she would love them and be so proud of them.  I sometimes long to have her here for just one day to see all these amazing great-grandchildren and for her to have the chance to make faces at them or drive silly like she used to do with us.  I think no matter what she would love them all and be proud of the amazing children my sisters and I have.

Loving children is so easy, it’s just being patient that takes a little work!

Memories

Yesterday we spent the day not only discussing the events of 9/11/2001 but we discussed memories of our son’s birth.  Today is his actual birthday and there are so many memories that we share each year on both of the kids’ birthdays with them about when they were young.

Grandma used to love to tell us stories about when we were younger.  She also loved to spoil us.  A memory of birthdays is that we almost always got a small gift from Grandma on the other person’s birthday.  Randy and I continue that with our kids today.  We also take them out to eat for their birthday at their choice of “sit-down” restaurant. 

We were watching TV and a DQ commercial came on and we began to discuss how DQ was the biggest deal when we were kids.  Randy thought it made his birthday extra special to have dinner there and just to go get ice cream was a treat.  I bet my sisters remember the trips to DQ with Grandma for ice cream; dipped cones, dilly bars, and star-shaped popsicles.  No matter what DQ always made me feel special of course just getting to spend time with Grandma made me feel special. 

The good ol’ days!

A few memories

Jeannette’s post yesterday triggered some thoughts and memories for me…..

Jeannette mentioned that Grandma Dot was a cleaning lady.  She was, but she was even more than that to those families.  She transported their children, she cooked for them, she cleaned for them.  They trusted her.  She didn’t always like the work, she didn’t always like the people.  I remember her talking about the children and how spoiled they were.  How lazy they were.  How disgusting they were at times.  How they left unmentionable trash under their beds and she had to clean it.  She used these experiences to teach me to never do the things they did.  I’ve always remembered these little stories and use them as reminders periodically.

Jeannette mentioned the book “The Help” and how that reminded her of Grandma because of the maids in the book.  The book triggered other memories for me.  I mentioned before how we would stay with Grandma over weekends.  There was one weekend, I have no idea how old I would have been, but it would have been some time during the 1970’s.  She was working as a desk manager at a local motel, and she had a room to live in attached to the office.  I was spending the night with her and sometime during the night, I remember it being late, a couple came to the door and wanted to rent a room.  The couple consisted of a black man and a white woman.  It was the hotel policy that no “mixed” couples were allowed to stay in the motel.  There has not been a time since that I have not thought of this story when seeing a bi-racial couple.  I’d like to think times have changed and prejudice like this no longer exists.  However, the harsh reality is that everyday life consists of many prejudices.  Not only racially or ethnically, but socioeconomically, appearance based, intelligence based, etc.  Stereotypes develop into prejudice and it is imperative that our children and the generations to come are educated on how to respect individuals for “self” and not the outward beings.  Jeannette touched on respect as well as kindness.  It reminds me of the ripple effect when you throw a stone into water.  The ripples keep going until they reach the edge.  Our kindness and examples of respect for others have a ripple effect as well.  If we do something as simple as smile at someone who may not be having a great day, it has a heartwarming effect that then ripples throughout that person’s day/week/life.  The same for children in the school or sports environment.  Teach them to reach out to those who are new, or may not be liked as much as the others.  Remind them that they would not feel good if it were them being left out and encourage them to always open their hearts to others.  The ripple effect will occur and others will follow them.

It is a great comfort to me to know that my sisters and I are teaching our children these important lessons.  They won’t always follow our suggestions, but I have confidence their hearts and minds know the right things to do and that in the end, they will make the right decisions and create positive ripple effects of their own.  I think our parents for teaching empathy and love and sensitivity.  Such character traits are priceless.

“The Help” – from Jeannette

 

The book “The Help” is an amazing book to read.  The author felt passionate about how black maids were treated in her home town when she was a child.  The movie was just released last week and I know so many women who have already been to the theatre to see it.  The power of this book and movie is amazing.

First; my connection between the movie and my life; my grandmother cleaned homes when we were kids and I hadn’t thought about it until today.  She never talked about private matters of her bosses but she did talk about them from time to time.  She didn’t complain in front of us about them or her pay or even discuss what she did at their homes.  She did introduce us to them a couple of times and I can remember one house in particular that I thought was so pretty and felt that Grandma must be very special to get to work in such a nice home.  How funny our brains are when we are little.

My cycling partner and I were discussing the messages we found in the book.  Messages that I think are important for my children to learn.  So many people worry about how they look, what they have, if they are popular, etc.  The vanity makes me crazy…  I don’t claim to have never had a vain moment but I really don’t worry about appearances much anymore.  I do worry about how others perceive me though and how my actions affect them.

One of the most touching scenes in the movie is where the maid has a toddler repeat back to her something she prayed  the child would remember when she grew up; “You is kind, you is smart, you is important” (insert Mississippi accent here”.  So many times we are wrapped up in what we want others to think about us we forget about how we make others feel.  I know I have unintentionally hurt others by my words or actions and my good friends speak up and tell me when I have done this.  I hurt for those whom I have accidentally hurt and didn’t know it so I could apologize.

I hope that as my children grow up they won’t see their parents taking advantage of others or looking down on others.  I hope they see us be responsible for how we treat others and respect what a true apology is.  I hope that they will take pity on those who need it and love all even when it is hard to do.  I pray that they will have giving open hearts and yet not be taken advantage of them.  It is hard to balance all of this as so many words and actions are overlooked but I can only pray God will bless them.

Cloud Game

 

Last night on our way home from a 75th birthday party the kids started finding shapes in the clouds.  It was fun to listen to their descriptions and to see what they saw in the clouds.  I love little imaginary games like that; where anything can become something else.

I have realized that it is hard to see what things really are.  Sometimes things so right but then you quickly realize that they are not.  It is amazing how as our needs change, our lives begin to navigate a different path that what we saw before is now foreign to us.  How does it happen? 

The cloud game is one that you have to play moment by moment because the shapes can change that fast.  I guess I need to sit back and take life moment by moment too and stop trying to figure it out before it happens.

Who is in control of change by Jeannette

As we approach my mom’s, nephew’s and son’s birthdays this September I think about all the changes in the past 14 years.  I am now the mother of two beautiful healthy children, married to a great man, and a teacher.  But there is so much more that has changed.

Once upon a time… I remember growing up and watching television with the family, never once when the news was about a war or a controversy over seas did I fear American soil being stained with blood from a war.  Ten years ago my husband and son sat and watched the planes that hit the Pentagon and the Trade Towers killing thousands.  My son was only a day away from 4 but to this day can tell you everything he heard and saw on the news coverage.  Now it seems that we are in constant battles overseas and hearing of so many deaths of our soldiers.

When we were young we learned the hardship of death in our family.  My children too have learned what death is, learned how to work through the grief process, and definitely know what the word cancer means.  I don’t think we were completely sheltered as children but when I think about the things that are daily news, the diseases that are talked about openly, etc. I feel sadness for my children and their children.  I worry about our land someday becoming a war zone and being persecuted because we are Christians.  A lot has changed.

Now that the doom and gloom is written; another big change is our faith in Christ as our risen Lord.  We have dealt with so much and face more uncertainty with work this next year.  I have learned that the only way to get through anything in life is to allow God to carry you through.  I have changed in that I allow God to be in control.  Funny, he will be whether I let him or not but I am such a control freak I have to convince myself I LET him be in charge, funny!

The past few years have brought many changes and with my children getting older the future holds even more.  Roll with the good times, rock through the bad and trust God to carry you each step of your journey no matter what change comes your way.

Fun With Words from Jeannette

I love to sit and do word find puzzles and I think it all started with Grandma Dot.  I don’t remember a time being at her house and not seeing one on a table or doing one with her (sometimes racing to find the next word).  Now I sit and do them to relax and unwind; sometimes racing my kids for the next word.  It is a fun little game and it helps my kids learn some vocabulary words too. 

Another word game we used to play was making up words for license plate letters.  When we were driving around (which we did often with Grandma) we would look at the license plates on cars and come up with funny names or phrases for the letters we saw.  I caught myself doing this the other while driving home from the mall.  I can’t help but smile when I catch myself doing such silly things as an adult.  Sometimes it makes me want to slow down my kids’ growing and make them stay young longer. 

When I was with Grandma being silly was something that just happened.  I think in part due to her being so silly at times.  It is still refreshing to be silly; it makes me feel young.  There are times I will just start dancing in front of my kids for no reason or just say something off the wall to make them laugh.  What makes me smile more is when I see them do it too.  Having been a school counselor for 15 years and a teacher 1 I have heard some horror stories that make me cry.  It is heart breaking to hear of children who don’t get to live with their parents or who have very little joy at home.  I want my kids to appreciate what they have but be able to enjoy life even when things are not what they want them to be. 

Laugh often is a little phrase that some adults forget, a lot.  I don’t think I can recall a day where I didn’t at least laugh once; maybe not outloud but I at least laughed.    I hope that my children will always be able to find at least one thing every day to make them laugh, even if it is laughing at themselves.